It Just Keeps Getting Better !!

We went for our ultrasound a day early. I played hooky from my EKG class because it was awful and we called the office. They weren't busy and we were really happy that Justine could do the scan because she did the IUI's. Anyway, as soon as she placed the probe they were there. Jeri said f*ck. She doesn't know why, it just came out. We kind of thought it was twins, but you are so afraid to hope after losing so much last year. So without furthur delay... our babies !! & and *. Stay Tuned....

Pukey Jeri

Jeri is very pukey, and dehydrated. She makes me nervous that she isn't getting enough nutrition. I bought her things to eat that have a little bit more calories. Oatmeal with blueberries, homemade chocolate mousse with heavy cream, ovaltine, yogurt, real egg noodles. She is also having a hard time and needs more fiber so everything I buy I try to get higher fiber. Keeping good track of her calories but the nausea keeps her from wanting to eat anything or drink anything becuase it generally comes back up. My poor baby! only 8 weeks to go before the second trimester! So happy I could puke myself!

So Far So Good

We went to the infertility office to bring them a thank you card and a plant and left with a STAT Beta HcG. THe first one is 86. We go back to repeat it on Monday. Jeri had about an hour worth of pink spotting last night which I HOPE was only implantation. There was no cramping and she feels very nauseous and her boobs are still big and sore so I am sure everything is just fine. It is so hard to believe that everything will be OK after everything that we have been through. I do believe it though. I know that this time we will be holding a baby. More updates to come... Stay Tuned...

I guess I have my answer.....

We are PREGNANT again! We went through 4 different test brands including a digital one and they were all positive. We are so excited. Jeri called her entire family @ 6am to tell them.

Psycho Birds

Just wanted to add something lighter to the blog tonight. I am surrounded by psycho birds that I am convinced will gang up on me and kill me one day. I hear the screeching in my dreams.

Take a deep breath...

How many times in my life am I going to have to keep taking these big deep breaths and jumping blindly into the world of the unknown. How am I supposed to just keep believing it will all work out?

Jeri and I worked out so shouldn't everything else? My new job is working out, but in that weird place in my mind I feel like if I have too much good that I have to suffer somewhere else to pay the universe back for letting me be happy. I have Amelia and I know that many women would kill to give birth and be able to raise a beautiful healthy child. I have paid for that happiness with my pregnancy loss nightmares though (irrational?).

I am an educated person with a good job but I am paying for that too. My credit sucks and it is mostly my ex husbands fault and I cannot control it and so I can't buy anything big like a house or a car like a normal person.

I found Jeri, and finally feel loved for the first time in my life. I also have not one person in my biological family that will speak to me voluntarily. This is not a huge loss for the most part, and I am in no way suggesting that it is because of Jeri, just the universe evening out the score.

We lost Julia. Now that can be looked at one of two ways. First, I am Pre-suffering for the wonderful babies that jeri and I will have and love in the future. Second, it is an extension of my suffering that I have to endure for having Mia. I guess we will soon find out.

I just want to be ahead. I just want to jump and land on may feet more than not. I want babies with Jeri and not have to suffer and agonize and fall into a dark depression to do it. I am weak from the universe punishing me. It gets to the point where you are OK without anything great for a while because you know that one day the universe will knock you on your ass for it.

Tomorrow morning I will take a deep breath again and get a glimpse of what my future may hold. Could the universe finally let me win?

Stay Tuned...

New Blog

Welcome to my new blog. After reading the blogs of others on this site I decided that I liked this one better. LJ is really Jeri's thing and myspace is where our family updates but I am hoping to find other people out there. Not that I don't love family but you know what I mean. I am 28 for the next 6 weeks or so. I have found my soulmate Jeri. Yes she is another girl and yes that means that I am a lesbian. I gave birth to our daughter Amelia (Mia) on 1/7/97 and we share her with my ex-husband. Jeri and I (well Jeri really) have been battling with some fertility issues for the past year, and lost our daughter Julia in June @ 10weeks into the pregnancy. We are ending another two week wait on the 12th. Jeri has symptoms of pregnancy but also has had cysts which cause the same symptoms so it is really hard to tell what is going on. I am a Registered Nurse in a small community hospital on a Maternal-Child unit and I mostly do Labor and Delivery. I work Per diem @ another hospital where Jeri and I met and she still works in L&D and NICU. I am 4 classes away from my BSN and hope to start my MSN part time in the fall.