We Love you both so much...

New twin pics! They are all seperate because our wigglers are too big to get good pics together. They are healthy and perfect size for dates and &'s heart rate was 162, and *'s was 169. Jeri has a very small fibroid. HMM? We are going to ask the OB about it but the ultrasound tech says it is too small to cause problems. We are officially furthur along than any other pregnancy. We are going to have two babies and I can't wait!

Don't scare momma like that!

So we had a pretty good day yesterday. Got a lot accomplished! Took down 2 aquariums that all the fish died in. moved some furniture around, cleaned up the center of the house. Jeri did help but didn't do any heavy lifting and took a lot of recliner breaks.

We then went and grabbed some Chinese food, watched some TV and I decided to repot the cactus garden. 5 minutes later jeri came in and said we needed to go to the hospital.

She was having some brown spotting. Just like last year, and that time when we had an ultrasound Julia was gone. Right around 10 weeks.

I called the midwife and away we went. I called the unit (it's the hospital where I work on L&D) and asked about the ultrasound and they said they would call someone in.

I did the 30 minute drive in about 22. I promised to buy them a pony if they were both OK.

They were so great when we got there. The U/S tech was waiting for us and as soon as Jeri was in the computer we were on our way down.

The tech started to measure Jeri's ovaries. UM NO. We wanted to see their hearts beating. She said she couldn't tell us. I told her I worked upstairs, on L&D, I had my badge on, and I told her she didn't have to say anything, I could look and interpret it. She moved the wand over and said do you see it?

And there they were. Perfect, beautiful, strong heart rates, and MOVING!!! They were wiggling all around, baby B was so wiggly that the tech had to measure the heartbeat 3 times.

After that she lightened up, after I assured her I would not get her into trouble. Their heart rates were 180's and everyone said that is normal at this stage. They measure perfect size for dates, Baby A is a touch bigger than B, but still perfect size.

So no more spotting. Actually by the time Jeri got back up from the ultrasound it was gone. Jeri is under orders to rest. We feel drained. It was so scary. I felt so helpless.

We have decided to postpone the appt. with the high risk doctor because she was going to do a big U/S and we just had one. It's too much to have ultrasounds only a few days apart. It was just a consult and likely that she was just going to say everything looks good, keep doing everything your doing (she actually did say that but it was "unofficial" at the desk @ work). We are going to reschedule it for 12 weeks.

We see the OB on the 25th and have an ultrasound the day before.

I told jeri and the babies. This cannot happen again, my heart can't take it.

And this morning I went out easter shopping and bought them each a toy pony.

why.

I had a bizarre feeling yesterday and this morning which always freaks me out because of the twins. I didn't really feel like it was them but I sometimes get "the universe is not right" feelings.

Possible reasons for this are:
1. Jeri is rapidly approaching the same gestation as when she lost Julia.
2. Julia's conception date was this past Thursday.
3. I have not had a period in over 8 weeks (sympathy pregnancy).
4. I am fat. Gaining almost 50lbs in the last 18 months.
5. I am very stressed. Lots of schoolwork, lots of bills, lots of work.
6. There is little going on in the bedroom. Ever.
7. I need a hobby.
8. I am obsessed with the well being of my beautiful twins.
9. I have no control over this pregnancy.
10. I am crazy and need to ne medicated.

Now add with that shit running around my brain all day the fact that I am all over the internet reading all kinds of bad things. And the fact that I have seen way too much in my years as a L&D and NICU nurse.

About a week ago I read a blog about a woman who had a prenatal diagnosis of trisomy 13.

Today Jeri called me and said that a coworker, a friend, a good person who tried to get pregnant for 2 years and finally got her miracle, was admitted to the hospital.

Her 24+ week fetus is very small. Too small. There is also no amniotic fluid around the baby and he is not really moving around at all. They just did an amnio, very difficult to get fluid. All are symptoms of trisomy 13, or 18, or just not a healthy viable fetus. My heart breaks for her. I am so sad.

She has dedicated her life to the well being of critically ill neonates in the NICU. Now she will be very lucky to have a live baby, let alone a healthy one.

Why does this shit happen to people? Why can't the universe be fair? Why can't I turn off my brain?

Why.

Babies

New Pic of the twins. Doing very well. Baby A (&)had a heart rate of 155 and baby B (*) had a heart rate of 145. Perfect size, perfectly beautiful babies. I teared up a little when we were watching them on the screen together with their little hearts beating away. I love them so much already. I love Jeri so much for growing them. Our next ultrasound is April 24th and an appointment on April 25th to meet one of the doctors. My birthday is the 25th and I can't think of a better gift then to see our beautiful twins again!